beauty unfading...

Rest in Peace...

Susan Marie Forrester

Sing with your head up.... with your eyes closed.

Not because you love the song... because you love to sing.

Because you love to sing...

for miles...

I can't believe the road that life takes us on sometimes... such a long and colorful journey. 

My amazing husband drove me (exactly) 1,197 miles this weekend. I called him at work and said we needed to drive to Tennessee, my family needed me, and without another thought we packed the car and drove off... 

I feel like I'm caught in that empty state, in between dreaming and waking.... where everything is a bit hazy. I faced a few demons this weekend... and that's never fun. When Andrew and I first met I sarcastically told him to run... I unveiled my disease and explained that life would not be a dream with me. He laughed (literally) and then in his deep, calming voice said "I disagree". He wrote a note and put it inside my suitcase (I found it a few days later) that said "life with me means you never have to fight alone... that's my dream". There is a naked honesty that happens between friends (yes, he is my friend). Somewhere between laughing until your sides ache and cheeks smeared with tears. I feel like I chase truth like some elusive butterfly in and open and darkened filed. Life is so full of convenient lies that fabricate the harshness. Truth that lies in a world of beauty doesn't exist... but I'll fight for it at any cost...

Higher... in progress.

Beyond the moment...

Beyond the melody...

Beyond the words of some distant worship song...

Past the chord progression...

Past the palper's prayer...

Past the altar of m sin...

I'm coming up higher...

Until I hear the angels sing...

Until I'm riding on their wings.

I've got to go higher...

Until I see your arms stretched out

Until this lost soul is found.

There are a few things that stand in the way

That stand in the way of me and you...

But I'm seeking... I'm out to find truth

I'm out to find grace.

I'm begging to see you face to face.

I'm coming up higher...

Until your love covers my pain

Until I lose the fame of my name...

I'm coming up higher...

Until this wicked heart is naked

Until I'm no longer wretched.

I want to be holy as you are holy.

Oh Lord, answer these desolate prayers...

To serve you and you only...

I'm coming up higher, and higher, and higher...

Suffering...

I know... I know... I promised to blog MORE frequently and its almost been a month since my last post... But alas, here it is... 

Today has been one of those days. Sometimes the heaviness of the world around seems impossible to overlook. Today I sat with a kid at JDC who flat out told me that he was "beyond help". There are times like these where I literally want to sit at their feet and weep for them... but instead I try to engage in delicate conversation... Days like these I keep my nose to the grindstone and my eyes to the stars...  Of course, this is my "job"... but I will never be a 9 to 5er who leaves her briefcase in the car. 

Compassion in its etymology means "to suffer". (Passion) together with (com)... to get along side and feel what someone else does, to be driven by compassion. To clothe the naked and feed the hungry is to get down in the dirt and sit next to them, becoming aware of their reality, sharing in the devastation of their situation- no matter how ugly or cruel, and being willing to lend a hand...

I suppose that when we truly come to a realization of our own humanity this becomes a bit easier... I mean, isn't that the reaction of Christ? Is He not the one who comes into my living room late at night when my tears are the only thing that keep me company? When my face is buried in a pillow as a means to hush my screams? We are the walking wounded, walking amongst more wounded souls... But He is our deliverer, a God who does not second guess redemption nor forgiveness. He chose to come and become wounded Himself... to empathize with compassion... to get down and dirty, niddy and griddy, bruised and beaten with a sinners like you and I. 

Compassion... may we all suffer with someone tomorrow.